things are out of my control now.
i'm afraid of so many things
because i can't afford to get hurt.
the joy and exhilaration
that come from self-destruction don't even appeal to me anymore.
food seems so much more expensive,
cigarettes so much more necessary,
friends much farther away.
"and this is not my face
and this is not my life
and there is not a single thing here
i can recognize
this is all a dream
and none of you are real
i'll give anything
i'll give anything"
maybe i should go chase a dream
into another state